When Rejection Feels Intense: ADHD and Emotional Sensitivity

Rejection Sensitivity and ADHD

A gentle reflection

For many people with ADHD, rejection is not experienced as a mild disappointment. It can land suddenly and intensely — a look that feels dismissive, a delayed reply, a shift in tone, or feedback that quickly becomes internalised as“I’ve done something wrong”or“I’m not enough.”

This experience is often described as rejection sensitivity. While it isn’t a formal diagnosis, it names something very real for many neurodivergent people.

Rejection sensitivity is not about being “too sensitive”. It is often a nervous system response shaped by repeated experiences of being misunderstood, criticised, or expected to function in ways that never quite fitted. Many adults with ADHD grew up absorbing messages — subtle or overt — that they were too much, not trying hard enough, or somehow failing to meet expectations.

Over time, the nervous system can learn to stay alert for relational threat. When this happens, the body reacts quickly, before logic has time to step in. Shame, panic, anger, or sadness may arise, alongside urges to withdraw, people-please, or replay interactions repeatedly. This can then be followed by harsh self-criticism for reacting at all.

Emotional intensity is a common part of ADHD. Feelings often arrive vividly and take time to settle. When rejection sensitivity is present, even neutral interactions can be filtered through a fear of disapproval or loss. For some, this is further compounded by trauma or early relational wounds, where emotional reactions are linked not only to the present moment but to earlier experiences of not feeling safe or accepted.

Therapeutic work is not about becoming less affected or suppressing emotion. Instead, it often involves developing compassion for the nervous system, gently separating past experiences from present interactions, and learning ways to soothe the body without minimising what is felt.

Rejection sensitivity is not a personal flaw. It is often the mark of someone who has cared deeply, adapted repeatedly, and learned to stay alert in order to belong. With understanding and support, it is possible to relate to these responses with more kindness — not by forcing them away, but by listening to what they are trying to protect.